u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
