i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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