I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
