T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
ttyl tear gas
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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