We're facebook friends in real life
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
