I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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