i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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