my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
