did you get engaged???
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
