The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize