I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
