the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
