i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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