a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
