I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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