what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
