i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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