Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
