too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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