I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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