there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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