I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
