this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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