Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am one with the molecules
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
