He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
