But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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