i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
