Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
