I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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