Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
