I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
