i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
