okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
