i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
