have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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