i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
