What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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