went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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