i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
