Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
