What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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