I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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