Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
