I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
