omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
