i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize