Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
