Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
