I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
