some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
