I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
