Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
