halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
