he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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