Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
