Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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