also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
