dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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