it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize