Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
