she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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