i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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