her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
