U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize