Jerry, you need to find god
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
